Editor’s note: Oona Hanson is a writer, educator and parent coach who specializes in helping families navigate diet culture and eating disorders.
CNN
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The latest exercise gear and gadgets regularly appear atop holiday shopping guides, but that doesn’t mean a new pair of running shoes or a gym membership is a foolproof gift for your loved one.
While physical activity offers mental and physical health benefits for most people, working out has become so closely associated with weight loss that an exercise gift can come across as thinly veiled body-shaming.
“Never buy someone an unsolicited fitness or nutrition-related present. These gifts always come with a side of diet culture, whether we realize it or not,” according to Leslie Schilling, a Las Vegas-based registered dietitian who specializes in sports nutrition and disordered eating recovery.
Even when given with love and the best intentions, these kinds of presents can have undertones of “‘you need to change in some way,’ which usually lands pretty harmfully for the recipient of the gift,” Schilling added.
The risks are even higher when giving fitness gifts to children and teenagers. For adolescents, whose self-image can be especially vulnerable, a not-so-subtle instruction to increase exercise can hurt their mental health.
When parents convey a child’s body is a problem, “we can see an increase in low self-esteem because there is this sense of ‘I need to be different. I need to change. What I look like right now isn’t good enough’ — and that can go into eating disorders, depression and anxiety,” noted Carolyn Comas, an eating disorder therapist in Los Angeles.
For parents who feel a sense of responsibility to encourage an inactive child to get moving, it’s tempting to think a fitness gift could be the perfect catalyst. But this well-meaning effort can backfire in several ways.
While gift-givers might assume they’re offering motivation to be more active, surprising someone with a fitness gift can interfere with the ability to engage in exercise, according to Schilling.
“Fitness is very personal,” she said. “Supporting our autonomy is really important. And so when someone else gives us a Fitbit or a personal training gift certificate, or whatever it might be, whether we mean to or not, it takes away the autonomy, which is such a critical piece of joyful, sustainable fitness and health practices.”
The irony is that giving unwanted advice disguised as a gift can make it harder for the recipient to feel like being more active. When people feel pressured, judged or bad about themselves, it ends up reducing their motivation. Giving such a loaded gift “might actually prolong someone from engaging in health behaviors because they feel hurt by it,” Schilling said.
If parents want to lay the foundation for a lifelong enjoyment of movement, turning exercise into something associated with dread or shame isn’t the answer. For kids who aren’t naturally inclined to participate in sports or other forms of exercise, “the best way to introduce it is in a nonformal way because when it’s fun, you want to do it. And that’s what we want all exercise to be,” Comas noted. “It’s not punishment but something you look forward to because then you do it for the rest of your life.”
This might look like inviting children to join in family activities such as nature walks, ice-skating or sledding — without any commentary about burning calories or “earning” dessert, Comas said.
But what if your teen is the one begging for the latest designer yoga pants or cool wearable technology?
With trendy athletic clothes, Schilling and Comas agree it’s generally a safer bet because athleisure has become everyday comfort and fashion for many people. But it can still be worth checking in with your teen or tween to learn more about why they want those items.
Smartwatches may be all the rage, but parents should think twice even when it’s on a child’s wish list. Professionals who treat eating disorders strongly caution against giving these devices to kids.
“I don’t recommend giving children wearables. Period. I think it is really dangerous,” Schilling said. Because these devices track things such as steps and calories, “what seems innocent can slide into obsessive thinking,” Comas added. “It’s like a little eating disorder brain on your wrist.”
Even if your children insist they want smartwatches to communicate or because they’re the cool thing to have, remember that winter holiday gift-giving happens against the backdrop of relentless cultural messages about upcoming New Year’s resets and diet plans. Having all that data at their fingertips while being surrounded by heightened pressures to be thin can spell trouble, especially for growing kids.
“We know that dieting and weight loss can definitely be a precursor to someone getting an eating disorder,” Comas said.
So if teens request a fitness product because they want to “get in shape,” it’s worth asking them to tell you more. There is a big difference between wanting to improve their athletic performance and feeling they need to change their appearance. What they might be really asking for is the gift of knowing they’re OK just as they are.
When in doubt, give something else, Schilling advised: “If you’re unsure how it will land, don’t do it. Because I’ve sat across from clients who have never forgotten a parent or a spouse or someone who gave them a fitness or diet-related gift, and they’re still sitting in my office talking about it.”
If you or someone you know may be struggling with an eating disorder, the National Alliance for Eating Disorders provides resources and referrals.
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