In Mediacorp drama I Do, Do I?, Aileen Tan plays a nasty and intrusive mother-in-law who constantly creates problems for her son (Tyler Ten) and daughter-in-law (Ferlyn G).
In real life, the 57-year-old actress is nothing like that. In fact, she’s the total opposite.
Aileen is married to Hong Kong-born director Gerald Lee, 62, who has a 32-year-old son, from his first marriage. Aileen and Gerald do not have any children together and the actress treats her stepson like her own.
In an interview with Chinese media zaobao.sg, Aileen shared that before her stepson got married, she told him that he does not need to live with her and Gerald when he ties the knot.
“My daughter-in-law is from Japan. I told my son it’s best for them to start their own family after marriage,” she said.
Aileen believed that not living together with her and Gerald is ultimately “better for [their son’s] marriage” as it might help avoid conflicts since there are cultural and language differences.
“My daughter-in-law was not raised by us, she has her own family too. As a woman I understand how another woman feels. I believe his wife would be very happy too. They don’t have to live with us as long as everyone’s happy,” she added.
After all, Aileen knows how tough it is to be a daughter-in-law.
Gerald’s parents used to live in Hong Kong and would only stay with them for a month every year. Aileen said she used to get along well with her in-laws since they didn’t see each other much.
That changed after her father-in-law passed away.
“My mother-in-law came to live with us and when our son flew to Japan for work, there was only me, my husband and my mother-in-law at home. That resulted in some problems between me and her,” she admitted.
Aileen understood that her mother-in-law was getting old, and that she revolved her life around her only son after her husband died.
“It’s normal she felt jealous. I’m an actress so I can understand why she thought that way. As the younger party, of course, I had to compromise,” she explained.
“I think it’s hard to live with your mother-in-law, but it also depends on how much you love your husband and is willing to give in for the family. After all, your parents are already in their 70s or 80s and you would only have to endure for a few years. If not for them, you wouldn’t get to know [your other half] either.”
According to Aileen, she and Gerald had an agreement from the start that if one of their parents died, they would ask the living one to stay with them.
“When [me and Gerald] first met I already knew how much I would have to give and take because my husband is the only son and is very filial. But now, all of our parents have reunited in heaven already,” she said.