WHAT HAVE BOTH OF YOU LEARNED ABOUT YOURSELVES THROUGH BRINGING UP YOUR KIDS?
VALENTIN: (Smiles) She will say I am a great father… Husband… I’m not so sure (laughs).
HWEE KENG: He is very patient which is good for the kids. They get a lot of their self-confidence from him.
MAX AND HIS SIBLINGS, KARL AND VALENTIN JR, ARE HOMESCHOOLED. WAS THERE EVER A TIME YOU DOUBTED THE PATH YOU TOOK?
HWEE KENG: Unlike him [Valentin], I was always on the verge of enrolling them into school and questioning if I did the right thing.
I faced a lot of challenges, especially when I was always asked by both sides, his family and mine, to put my kids in a conventional school.
They really gave it to me then.
THAT MUST HAVE BEEN TOUGH.
HWEE KENG: If both me and him had doubts, we wouldn’t have gone ahead with homeschooling our kids.
I think it’s very normal when you do something other than convention. You will always have doubts because there is no benchmark.
Everyone including me was uncomfortable but I have learned that if you sit in discomfort for a while, like what Max has said, you will surprise yourself with what you can do.
VALENTIN: Every kid is different, and, in our case, we are lucky to see that they didn’t need much structure.
I would say education involves a lot of love and good examples, and that happens to a large extent, within the family.
WAS MAX AN EASY CHILD TO RAISE?
HWEE KENG: The easiest!
VALENTIN: We couldn’t have asked for an easier time (laughs).
Just don’t squeeze him. I tried getting him to do something when he was about 15 months old, and it caused a lot of anguish and tears. It made me realise that forcing them to do something isn’t the approach I would take.
HWEE KENG: I think our kids love their freedom. You can’t force them to do something they don’t want to do. Even Max who is normally agreeable.
They have our blood in them! (Guffaws)
HWEE KENG, YOU MENTIONED MAX IS VERY KIASU [AFRAID OF LOSING OUT]. WOULD THAT BE HIS MOST SINGAPOREAN TRAIT?
HWEE KENG: You tell me! He is very competitive by nature and since young he disliked the feeling of losing.
You know what… he hates to lose, more than he likes to win (laughs).
It is kiasu. Just not in the same way as joining a queue.
HOW ABOUT KARL, YOUR SECOND SON?
HWEE KENG: He is fiercely independent! (Laughs)
VALENTIN: Even at six months, he wouldn’t allow me to hold him if he didn’t want to.
I swear his first words were “Let me down!”
HWEE KENG: He likes to do his own things and you can’t cram his style.
I remember trying to beat him, and he went, “Mum, you don’t need to beat me”. Then he ran [to face] the wall.
There was once I tried to lock him in the toilet, and I got frightened and went to open the door.
He simply said: “Mum, if you want to lock me [in], please close the door”.
HE SURPRISES YOU AT EVERY TURN.
HWEE KENG: He once asked, “You want to use the cane, you want to use the belt. Next time will you brand me like a cow?”
VALENTIN: We realised quickly we would get much further with the soft and loving approach.
HWEE KENG: The softer you are with him, the better the results. The more you run after him, the further he runs away.