We’ve all come to know actress-host Xixi Lim for her cheerful personality, and for being a passionate advocate of self-love.
Last weekend, Xixi bagged her first-ever Star Awards Top 10 Most Popular Female Artiste trophy. In her post-show interview with 8days.sg, the plus-sized artiste told us about the importance of being happy with one’s appearance, saying: “You need to trust yourself and love yourself before others can love you.”
Turns out, there was a period of time in Xixi’s life when she, too, struggled with self-acceptance.
In a recent episode of Tuesday Report, the 36-year-old revealed: “Everyone knows about the glamour of showbiz, where people count on their looks or a special trait to stand out. If I can’t stand up for myself, I will get bullied no matter where I go.”
Xixi used to think of herself as a person who was afraid to step out of their comfort zone. When she was mocked and ostracised for her appearance, she didn’t know how else to fight for herself, and it scarred her.
Her confidence hit an all-time low when she was in secondary school.
“I would cry when people made fun of me. A simple thing like using the bathroom, I would consider the time: would the bathroom be too crowded if I waited until the bell rang? But if I raise my hand to ask for permission to use the toilet [during lesson], everyone might stare at me. This struggle is something that others don’t know about,” she recalled.
“I used to wish people would treat me as invisible,” she added.
Xixi shares a close relationship with her aunt, who also made an appearance on Tuesday Report. The latter would tell her: “Don’t care about how others view you. You need to first look out for yourself and love yourself, then others can love you.”
“She didn’t understand what I was saying back then. Perhaps I didn’t try to understand her from another point of view. We really struggled during that period of time,” said her aunt.
Xixi said she became so depressed, she “couldn’t stand [herself]”. It was then she forced herself to look into the mirror every day and learn to love being in her own skin.
She slowly emerged from her shell, starting small by asking her friends out for lunch, or asking to be part of their project group. When she was accepted into her classmate’s group, it was a turning point for Xixi as she realised “not everyone hated [her]”.
“There are two ways I could overcome this challenge. I either have to lose weight, or make sure that more people notice me,” said Xixi.
She now embraces her looks, and wishes to be a voice for other plus-sized individuals who are facing the same struggles.
“As long as I have some level of fame, my voice will be heard. Then I will be able to fight for other plus-sized girls, so they can lead a more ‘regular’ life,” she said.
However, she does not wish to be a stereotype.
“People would describe me as “cute”, and I would be dressed up in the most exaggerated head gear with over-the-top make-up. I used to be okay with that. However, I’ve recently come to think about how much longer I can go on being stereotyped as “cute”. That’s one of the difficulties I now face,” admitted Xixi.
“I wish to open more doors, and to become a ray of hope for others.”