SINGAPORE: Violet Lim, the CEO and co-founder of “Lunch Actually,” one of Asia’s largest lunch dating agencies, provided insights into the characteristics that set apart girlfriend material from wife material following a statement made by a contestant on Netflix’s ‘Single Inferno 3′.
Single’s Inferno is a popular dating show on Netflix that has gained widespread attention on social media for its cast members’ romantic adventures. Every season, the show introduces someone interesting enough to become a new celebrity.
In Season 3, professional basketball player Lee Gwan Hee has become the focal point of discussions due to his bold statement differentiating between two cast members as ‘girlfriend material’ and ‘wife material’.
In the last episode of the season, he stirred controversy by labeling fellow contestants Cho Min-ji as more of a girlfriend material while identifying Choi Hye-seon as someone with the qualities of a wife.
The question arises: what constitutes the significant difference between the two, and is there any truth to such distinctions?
Violet Lim, CEO and co-founder of ‘Lunch Actually,’ sheds light on the matter. Girlfriend material, Lim explains, encompasses qualities suitable for a romantic relationship, while wife material extends beyond mere dating dynamics, incorporating attributes crucial for a lasting marriage.
The key differentiators, according to Lim, include emotional maturity, loyalty traits, responsibility, emotional connections, and approach to decision-making.
Emotional maturity
Being wife material involves having emotional maturity, understanding your partner’s feelings, and being comfortable with yourself. It means not relying on your partner to fill voids in your life but having empathy and respect for them.
Marriage is a union of two lives, not the sacrifice of one. Emotional availability, the ability to listen and be listened to, are crucial considerations before marrying someone.
In the show, Choi Hye-Seon exemplified emotional maturity by allowing Gwan Hee to explore connections with other women without pressuring him, while Cho Min-Ji displayed insecurity and clinginess, Lim explained.
Loyalty traits
Girlfriend material may focus on superficial criteria, while wife material seeks compatibility in values and future aspirations.
“When we find someone who shares the same values and has similar future aspirations, it is obviously classified as wife/husband material. When we find someone who meets our important requirements, we are usually mature enough to be loyal to that individual,” Lim stated.
Cho Min Ji’s flirtatious behavior with multiple men on the show classified her as girlfriend material, emphasizing physical attraction over deeper connections. Her confidence in complimenting them may capture their attention, creating opportunities for Lee Jin-Seok and Lee Gwan Hee to draw closer to her simultaneously.
Responsibility
Opting for an easier path in a relationship, avoiding responsibility by neglecting to address issues, disappearing during uncomfortable situations, and diverting attention from significant arguments are not qualities of someone considered wife or husband material.
“Responsibility in a relationship is intended to be faced and resolved together; if one side tries to evade it, the relationship is doomed,” Lim said.
Furthermore, being wife or husband material involves a heightened level of responsibility, particularly in financial matters. While it doesn’t require being as wealthy as Mark Zuckerberg, financial stability is crucial. It’s essential to be wise in personal spending habits, showcasing the responsibility required for someone aspiring to be called wife or husband material.
Emotional connections
Establishing an emotional connection, which involves understanding each other’s love languages without pressuring the partner to conform to a one-sided love language, is a vital characteristic for those aiming to be wife or husband material.
People express love in various ways, as highlighted by Dr. Gary Chapman’s five love languages: acts of service, giving and receiving gifts, quality time, physical touch, and words of affirmation. In relationships, couples may demonstrate love through diverse expressions.
In the show, Lee Gwan Hee’s love language appears to be acts of service, and Hye-Seon fulfills his desires accordingly. While Min Ji attempts to engage Gwan Hee with her own love language by requesting actions like washing fruits and physical flirtation, and “this demonstrates that she is girlfriend material who can give the butterfly feeling in the stomach but not the comfort feeling in the heart,” Lim explained.
Approach to decision-making
Wife material demonstrates confidence in decision-making which is essential for navigating conflicts in a relationship. Hye-Seon’s consistent decision-making reflected a desire for a long-term commitment, whereas Gwan Hee’s lack of stance suggested hesitancy towards a lasting relationship.
Lim explained that in the show, Hye-Seon remains unwavering in her choices, particularly in selecting who she wants to accompany to “paradise.”
Conversely, Gwan Hee’s lack of a decisive stance suggests that he may not be ready to commit to a long-term relationship or may not possess the qualities of a husband material.
Lim concludes, “instead of starting a relationship when both partners have opposing views, which can waste time and energy, it is preferable if we can discover the feature before it begins.”
“To lay the groundwork for a successful and long-lasting relationship, emotional maturity, loyalty, responsibility, emotional connections, and the approach of decision-making are required.”